Showing posts with label parentism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parentism. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

The One about Bugs


Last weekend, I was gardening.

I was transferring one pot of aloe vera to a bigger pot when I unearthed a GIANT worm. It squirmed from the exposure and snarled at me menacingly. Ok, I might have imagined the snarling but I jumped back and hollered for Dear Hubby.

My shining knight came running and scooped the worm into a plastic bag. I made sure he made sure the worm was dead before he disposed of it. He laughed at me being scared of a tiny worm. But I cannot help it. The very sight of a wriggling worm gives me the creeps.

Yesterday, DH told me that there was a cockroach in the bathroom. I rolled up a copy of Economist and swiftly killed the roach, before picking it up (with a tissue la) and flushing it away. DH laughed (albeit shakily, clearly still traumatized by the roach) that I can ‘terminate’ most bugs in the house but am scared of worms.

He’s right and we are lucky to complement each other this way. The bugs that freak him out (most except lizards and worms) – I can handle them relatively calmly. He can take care of the yucky lizards and worms.

We all have our own preference and fears. It’s only human. Having said that, many of our fears are possibly a result of exposure and upbringing, rather than innate.

Once we were in the fish section of a supermarket, where they have live fishes in tanks. This was when we were living in HK. One fish jumped a little, causing a little splash and startled a 4-5 year old girl next to it. She screamed in fright so loudly and couldn’t stop crying for a long while. DH couldn’t believe a fish can cause such a big reaction. To me, it was probably a result of parental influence and lack of exposure.

One of my challenges is raising Dear Daughter to have an open mind. 

This is one of the many things about my parenting approach which surprise even me. Friends know me as an opinionated person who has a strong view on most matters and what I want. Often I persuade people to do certain things (without realizing it).


Kids' hearts are pure. Their hearts are like a clean canvas. I consciously refrain from imposing my personal preference on her or introducing fears to her unwittingly. She shall develop her own preference, her own thoughts without prejudice.

Anyway last night, there was a bug crawling on the floor. I pointed it out to DD and wanted to see how she would react. She was curious and leaned closer to touch the bug, then squealed in excitement when the bug flew away. DH remarked she was a stark contrast to an encounter when we were living in HK. I felt strangely proud of my fearless little girl.

p.s. I used to be scared of cockroaches too. One Chinese New Year eve, I saw one and screamed a bloodcurdling scream. My dad rushed to me immediately and in his haste, he kicked at the roach and hit a metal object. His big toe nail came off and he bled a lot. We even had to visit the A&E. I felt really bad and thereafter suppressed the fear to rid the pests myself. After awhile, I realized most bugs aren’t really that scary.

p.p.s Reading the entry again, it sounds like our house is full of pests! It’s generally ok, just the norm for a tropical country. 

Friday, January 6, 2012

Getting Attached


Yawn. It’s 6.10 am on a Saturday morning and I am up working.

Since becoming a mom, I find early morning hours are like stolen time for myself to work, do house work or cook dear daughter (DD)’s meal. I wonder how many other parents do the same.

Dear Hubby (DH) works better into the night. I am in charge of bedtime duty and in the midst of patting DD and reading bedtime stories to her, I inevitably doze off myself. I tell myself that sleep is infectious and hope fervently DD will follow suit and close her eyes too.

DD turns 15 month yesterday. At one point post pregnancy, I stopped counting in weeks and days. I guess the day would come that I stop counting in months too. The recent highlight was that she understands what DH and I are saying. With almost 30 words in her vocab, DH and I could minimize the second guessing and have a simple conversation with her.

Me: Baby, what is your favourite colour?
DD: Pur-ple! Pur-ple! (pick up a purple object)
Me: Are you sure purple is the colour you like best? How about blue? (show her a blue object)
DD: (shake head) Noooo blue
Me: How about red? Red used to be your favourite colour (show her a red object)
DD: (shake head) Nooo red. Pur-ple!

It makes me chuckle that she has a mind of her own and has a favourite colour already. At this point, DH would chime in and say that she has inherited this from me.

Looking back, the past year of parenthood has been pretty challenging. Without much help, since both parents and in-laws are out of town, DH and I choose to tackle parenting (and keeping the house in order) ourselves. And of course, DD just has to be active, mischievious baby at the same time.

As we feel our way around parenthood, there are certain many paths we could take. It all started with each choice we made – breastfeeding, babywearing, communicating, discipline etc. We find ourselves googling and ending up on DrSears’ site a lot. I think DH and I surprise ourselves that the school of thought we subscribe to is attachment parenting. If we want DD to grow up with a beautiful heart, we have to start the right behavior ourselves with her. There’s no one better than ourselves to love and care for our children.

‘The essence of Attachment Parenting is about forming and nurturing strong connections between parents and their children. Attachment Parenting challenges us as parents to treat our children with kindness, respect and dignity, and to model in our interactions with them the way we'd like them to interact with others.’ – API

Benefits of attachment parenting:
BABY
  • feels right, acts right
  • learns language more easily
  • establishes healthy independence
  • learns intimacy
  • learns to give and receive love
PARENTS
  • become more confident
  • can read baby's cues; respond intuitively
  • flow with baby's temperament; find discipline easier
  • know baby's competencies and preferences
PARENTAL RELATIONSHIP
  • brings out the best in each other

Dear Dr Sears, your idea of attachment parenting saps the energy of DH and me. Hopefully the returns to parenting input pays off soon. I wonder if we will become so attached to our baby, that someone has to wean DH and me off her when she leaves the nest one day. Maybe DrSears should dedicate a chapter to weaning off AP for parents. :)